I’m off to New Parents this arvo (while the Bloke stays home to get some work done)

It gives you such a different connection with the neighbourhood than working and coming home in the evenings does.

2. If she’d asked around, she’d know that New Parents groups run during the day and therefore exclude most Dads. They can’t run in the evenings because that’s an awful time to take a baby out, and they can’t run on weekends because the maternal and child health nurses who organise them are only employed during the week (when they’re cheaper).

Also, when one bloke did turn up to my sister’s new parents group the discussion revolved around birth and the physical aftermath. While he was fine with his own partner’s stitches and cracked nipples, he looked pretty uncomfortable hearing about the same thing from strangers. I’m not, I have to say, terribly sympathetic to his discomfort (he’s not the one who’s had to be so careful sitting down) it’s sad that he was never seen again (presumably his annual leave was up and he had to return to work anyway). He’s certainly more grown up than the Dad in the same group who is too ‘scared’ to change his kid’s nappies. When that piece of info came to light all the other mothers declared in shocked tones ‘But that’s their main job! It’s the bit they CAN do!’

Maybe Winnie’s problem is that she judges herself and others according to capitalist standards. She’s not earning any money and therefore she’s powerless. It seems that she missed a pretty big tenet of feminism that goes hand in hand with the idea that women can go out to work and earn money – that women who work at home for no money are still worthy and contributing. Women who work at home still deserve respect, still make a contribution, and are still sentient beings (even when we’ve been sleeping in two hour blocks). That’s why we have divorce laws that divide assets in half regardless of who earned the money.

Personally, when I see jobs advertised that I’d be perfect for if only I wasn’t breastfeeding a newborn, I reflect on the career of Betty Churcher. She was an artist, she had children and spent a long time at home caring for them, (while presumably also organising school fundraisers and all the other stuff that stay at home Mums do that really is hard work for the benefit of the whole community not just their own kids) then she returned to paid employment and made her way up the ladder to become Director of the National Gallery of Australia. When she neared the compulsory public service retirement age she argued that it should be extended because so many women her age hadn’t had very long in the workforce and were just getting started. As it turned out she was so hard to replace she was closer to 70 when she actually retired.

I’m at home. I haven’t earned any money for several weeks and I’m not going to for several months (apart from Family Assistance payments) and there are indeed piles of nappies around the house. I haven’t been watching Oprah because my partner got me West Wing and Studio 60 to watch instead. I haven’t read anything other than breastfeeding instructions for a while. My masters degree is on hold, and my career (such as it was) has taken a few hits. Some of this is chosen, some of it imposed by biology. Either way, it wont be like this forever. The kid will grow and change, and our domestic arrangements will shift again. It wont happen by magic though, we’ll have to sort it out like grown ups. Now I think my son needs feeding.

Frankly, if she’d paid any attention at all (or just taken a good hard look at her life and had a chat to her partner about his expectations) she’d know that New Parents groups run during the day (Monday at 1.30pm seems to be the norm) so Dads usually can’t go, even if they want to.

Now I have to go because my mother has turned up with my groceries…

It makes me wonder (to be generous to her) whether she wrote a much longer piece that was hacked to pieces by the subs or editor, as it’s not very coherent.

Very good point. I also wonder whether she thought up the awful title or the subeditor did. ppl more experienced in the ways of the MM can explain perhaps.

Why is one parent staying home with a newborn while one goes to work automatically a “gendered” situation? (We did that and we’re both women.)

it still is very much the case for heterosexual couples, as (1) it’s usual for the lowest income earner to give the job up and that’s still often the woman; (2) There is still the perception out there that women have some kind of essential inbuilt ability to look after children, even after the breastfeeding period, just as men have some kind of essential inbuilt ability to rebuild Kawasaki engine blocks; (3) there is still the perception that men identify themselves more for their jobs and therefore suffer more in their inner wellbeing when out of the workforce; (4) Men who choose to stay home and do the parenting thing are often either frozen out of local networks which are still largely female*, or treated as some kind of bleedin’ hero (or both, alternately, according to who they’re talking to) – in other words, it’s still not treated as ‘normal’ by mainstream society. in short – yes, parenting is still heavily gendered and the work-and-family thing is still heavily gendered as long as Mum is considered the default.

It’s as if there’s a problem (and I don’t deny there is one) that she’s trying to describe but she can only cast around randomly and take potshots at the very obvious targets – “feminists”.

Exactly, and that’s what I found so hard to understand with someone who is an academic, has published a book (or books) and is working in Media and Communications, with Gender listed as one of her specialities. Colour me unimpressed.