There’s no system foolproof enough to defeat a sufficiently great fool

I agree — I’d never given this much thought until the Bloke, who is ginormous, said he’d never felt physically threatened by anyone, ever. It’s not just about it being easier to deal with deadshits, either — deadshits are too scared of him to p*ss him off in the first place.

Mine’s 15 – I guess yours is roughly the same? I’m not sure how to approach this topic with her. She’s a big strong gel and has attitude to match, so would probably roll her eyes and say “please.” But it’s different when you’re actually in the “WTF?!” zone.

I forbade my own newly teenage daughter to date “until you’re old enough to have the balls to yell out in a crowded cinema ‘get your filthy hands off me’”. Fortunately she’s a pretty assertive young woman, so the interdict didn’t last long (I judged she was old enough when she could stand up to me on this).

I do think people underestimate the effects of relative physical size here, though – if you’re big it’s a lot easier to deal with deadshits confidently. An unfortunate fact of life.

Didn’t think so.

I don’t get my personal space invaded much because I’m 5’11 and very bossy. Doesn’t stop me feeling scared though.

I’m afraid had I got over my freeziness, my scathing reply would have been far less respectable than the taxi driver’s. I take your point about the reverse panic – I’d like to do something to unlearn that. If only to avoid being run down by a bus.

Any suggstions?

A little test from real life.

N****** is a 60yo female taxi driver who drives nights. One night a drunk raised his hand to strike her.
What would you do in this case? She can’t get away she can only defend herself with her voice. Think about it.

She said words to the effect of “That is like hitting your Mother.” That stopped him cold. The perfect reply in a split second.

On the subject of “Deer in the headlights.” (dith) This may also be known as reverse panic. One is overwhealmed by circumstances. If it has a component of learned submissiveness the sooned that goes the better.

Emergency services, police, pilots and the military practice responses to emergency situations so that it becomes a reflex.

Letting creeps get away with this only encourages them.

Douglas

I wrote that essay the year after I resigned from academe and plunged blindly into the precarious life of the freelance writer, and it shocks me a bit to re-read it. I’d forgotten how angry I was.

It’s all true, of course. If anything, I pulled some punches, and I completely left out the most egregious and blatant episode of all … because for anyone who knows me or my erstwhile workplace it’s just too easy to identify the perp. Or mis-identify him, which I would not want to be responsible for either.

(There’s that nice girl again. Sigh.)

(Thanks Kate and Helen. I should know this, of course. It’s often difficult to apply theory to personal, nuanced situations)

If you haven’t seen this, read the whole thing.