Since then, the vile Fairfax / News Ltd / Womens magazine complex has been examining every wart that they can detect (or imagine) with their dirty-linen-oscope in the hope that, like That Other princess, she’ll crash and burn. Happily Mary has refused to oblige, continuing to be a Class Act. But they try their best. The other day I was waiting in the express lane with an eggplant and a carton of milk when I copped an eyeful of some stupid headline on one of those moronic mags, along the lines of OH NO MARY CAN’T COOK!!1!1!1!

Seriously, if an identifiable womens glossy mag employee had been ahead of me in the queue, he or she would have copped that eggplant right up the jacksie, and you know how much the stem part would hurt.

I googled for a link, and discovered that this horrifying news was all over the tabloids like a rash. But I’m not giving Fairfax any free kicks either. Here, in the SMH, it was listed under fucking breaking news. Fuck! Sorry, words fail me. Breaking news.

For those murrikins who thankfully don’t share the Australian tabloid obsession with European royals, the job-while not being rocket science- is actually quite taxing. It’s a bit like our Governor-General, you have to function as a figurehead of State while participating in all kinds of rituals mandated by the State and tradition. And both spouses are involved. It’s a very public and taxing role, and it’s evidently not about lying on your pink Sparkle Princess couch eating bon-bons. What does the job not entail? What’s something that people at that level would routinely outsource to others? that’s right – cooking!

But heaven forbid that any woman should display the genetic defect of not being a good cook, because as we know they should be hard-wired for it, and now the dynasty will be ruined.

As far as I know, no articles have appeared claiming that Prince Fred is unable to mow his own lawn.

The bag of oranges and the carton of milk, on the other hand, will be history.