Categories: asshattery

10 Feb 2010, Comments (16)

But he meant it to be ironic!

Author: Helen

Pic of a woman crushed under a giant, retro iron, with caption "Don't let your iron get you down..."

Well, we can settle in for an entertaining year in which the hairy and hilarious leader of the opposition competes with his shadow cabinet for Tool of the Week. It’s got to the stage where HAT has an ongoing Obligatory Tony Abbott said What Now? thread.

For those outside the country, his latest effort was:

“What the housewives of Australia need to understand as they do the ironing, is that if they get it done commercially, it’s gonna go up in price, and their own power bills as they switch the iron on are gonna go up every year, I mean…”

Which immediately, of course, brought on some hilarious tweets and comments. The winner was Zoe, prize: One medium sized internet.

@crazybrave: I would like to iron Tony Abbot’s budgie smugglers. While he was in them.
@tobiasziegler: “We respect women’s right to wear the burqa, but it’s just one more thing they have to iron.”
@jeanburgess: I can only understand national policy through examples of how it might affect my daily life as an ordinary housewife. Thanks, Tony Abbott!
@tammois I know, let’s hook Abbott up with Palin to go rule Planet Stupid and Offensive.
And
I DON’T IRON, TONY ABBOTT. I DON’T IRON & I VOTE, YOU IDIOT
@antipodeankate: I’m not ironing because I am busy crocheting my husband a pipe, shaking up a litre of martini and organising his ties.
I leave the house for half an hour and Tony Abbott says something guaranteed to annoy me… I’m a wife, I’m in my house, I’m not ironing.
@TimDunlop What conservative pols of Aust have to think about when they are fantasising about housewives doing ironing is that it’s best not to share

And from the bloggiverse, some wise advice for young Tones from Paul Burns commenting on LP:

…(S)tay away from wimminz ishoos. They already know you are a turd. You don’t have to prove it over and over again day after day.

Some people think he just has to be on the ALP payroll. It does make a kind of sense.

The image above represents my vision of life under a Liberal government with Abbott as PM; I stole it from Antipodean Kate.

29 Jun 2009, Comments (14)

Spirit of P P McGuinness, leave Razer’s body!

Author: Helen

One of the scary things about getting older is watching other people, who used to be younger and groovier than yourself, age and settle into the sclerotic patterns of unexamined privilege and rightwing attitudes.

In the 90s, as a thirtysomething, I used to listen admiringly to Helen vocalising volubly on 3-RRR Triple J with Mikey Robins. You might have noticed I have a weakness for people who write hilarious, OTT rants full of subordinate clauses, tangents, abstruse words and the occasional runon sentence – Twisty and Tiger Beatdown, Elizabeth Farrelly sometimes. That’s a clumsy attempt to describe what I liked about Helen on the radio. As a thirtysomething in the 90s, I heard her as the voice of younger and hipper people, as well.

So who took away that Helen and replaced her with Christina Hoff Sommers?

I respect Helen’s childfree status – but she doesn’t, it seems, respect others. And all that boilerplate anti-Greens shit? “Hippies”/naive/”ancient-grains”/”patchouli” – it’s a wonder there’s no reference to hemp or volvos there, but you get the incredibly original and edgy jokey references that have never been made before, don’t you?

And the idea that she once voted Green because she was perimenopausal, and therefore unable to make a rational decision, is really special. Of course, that could be taken to mean that childfree women are equally unfit for Parliament because they’re all stark raving bonkers once they reach the median age for the MPs there. That just explains why no-one should employ a woman over forty to do anything, anywhere. Good one Helen! Seems there’s really no life stage in which we can expect to share in the democratic process!

Seems the spirit of backlash antifeminism has claimed another writing soul. And it seems in the MSM as it is today, that kind of writing is well rewarded. The punters love it – so maybe Razer has just made a rational decision, despite the dreaded perimenopause. It’s sad for us fans, though.
 
 
 
Crossposted

18 Jun 2009, Comments (6)

This is what I get for trying to maintain civility in my discourse

Author: Helen

First time I’ve ever been scolded for not being sweary enough in an internet discussion thread, I think. And here I was thinking that the standards at ALR would be so lofty.

I do bristle at the idea that asshat is a mere euphemism, though. Although mild, I love it for its evocation of the location of the subject’s head relative to his arse.

(More etymology of asshat here.)

27 May 2009, Comments (11)

Clive and the Evil Feminist jackboot of Doom!

Author: Helen

The Spike-Heeled Feminist Jackboot of Doom!

Check out this illustration, which goes with this massive outbreak of flatulence on bbc.co.uk. Yes, that’s right. It looks like the kind of thing you’d see in the Mail or Telegraph, but it’s the BBC, which is very sad.

“Women who believe liberal values exploit their sexuality have something much greater to fear – the jackboot of dictatorship, says Clive James.” Oh, look, the word “jackboot” is closely juxtaposed with the image of a very, very expensive piece of bejewelled, stilletto heeled footwear – exactly the kind of footwear favoured by rich, selfish western funfeminists, obviously. The Manolo Blahniks, or jackboots, as your subconscious now suggests that they are, are stamping on… what? they’re stamping on all the women in the non-western world!

Clive thinks that it should be obvious that liberal democracy is best for women, but do you think feminists agree? No, because they hate democracy, and prefer the jackboot / manolo blahnik of dictatorship! Say whaa, you say? Yes, according to Clive this is the case. “Some Western feminists” (that’s code for most of us, I think) don’t want women to have freedom, which is proved by their lack of support for joining up with the US and bombing their countries back into the Stone age.

Kuwait is by no means, a perfectly constituted democracy. As far as I can figure out, there is a ruling family whose Emir chooses the government and calls elections for parliament. But women have now been elected to the parliament, by popular vote. It should hardly need saying that this would have been unlikely to happen if Saddam Hussein had been allowed to continue to rule the country by terror, but let’s leave his awful memory aside for a moment, if we can, and dare to put forward a general reflection.

Kuwait? Saddam Hussein? errrr….. Let’s just skip over that minor error and continue with James’s demonstration of how wrong all the western feminists are. The solution, he appears to be saying, is just to give up on this notion of women being equal to men and get themselves protectors from the world’s supply of naturally violent men. Yes, he’s reviving the old spectre of “regime change” again, to rescue the damsels who will strew flowers in their path when rescued by the violent western forces (but it’s good violence, you understand, not that bad violence practiced by The Other Side.)

Does this sound familiar? He’s reviving the old 2007 Decent talking point, that if you oppose invading and bombing other countries you hate democracy. If you’re a so-called feminist, and you don’t think the Coalition of the Willing should be reducing one country or another to rubble, that means you support the continued oppression of the women there. It’s logical, innit. And it’s linked to our unreasonable repudiation of violence. Unreasonable, because (Clive thinks) it’s a chick thing.

It’s just too clear a proof that men have a natural advantage when it comes to the application of violence. When you say that women have little chance against men if it comes to a physical battle, you are conceding that there really might be an intractable difference between the genders after all.

…Men will always monopolise the means of violence if they can. Women can learn to shoot guns, but there are no all-female armies, and even the Amazons were probably a myth. Women, on the whole, would naturally like to do something else, whereas an army, for too many men, is a home away from home, and often their only home.

…What [Aung San Suu Kyi] needs is an invading army…”

Yes, that’ll work. Depending on the good graces of the Warrior Class has worked really well for the women of the world, so far. That’s why the Sudan is such a fucking paradise. And I don’t get the feeling that the army was a home away from home for Clive. He spent his youth writing articles for the University rag and building his career. If he gets his wish, this old man won’t be invading Burma. His government will be sending younger men (and women) on this latest useless adventure. People like MY SON. Words are cheap, Clive.

And, Clive? The worst thing about this article is not that you’ve latched onto this ancient and pathetic gotcha fully two years after the other Decents did, and the rest of the blogosphere showed very convincingly what a pile of old dog’s balls it was. It’s not that you admit you won’t even use your position as a popular writer and functionary of The Burma Campaign to do anything for Aung San Suu Kyi because it’s not threatening and warlike enough – you terrifying old keyboard Kommando, you. No, it’s because you use the women of Burma and Iraq – or was it Kuwait? – to score some kind of point over the strawfeminists who you’d like to get off your lawn. And that does not make you the better person.

There’s a guy called Kant who wants a quick word with you. In the meantime though, Western Feminists, just give up your sick love of violent dictatorships! and get your bejewelled jackboot the hell off Aung San Suu Kyi!

19 May 2009, Comments (10)

B-I-N-G-O

Author: Helen

For those of you who don’t live in Australia, this is about the Australian rugby team who “sexually assaulted” / “had group sex with” a nineteen year old girl in New Zealand a few years ago (according to our very coy media terminology.) The only player identified so far is Matthew Johns. The incident was reported in an ABC documentary program, Four Corners (Transcript here, and some followup information here.) For further reading, I’d recommend these posts at Radical Rayedish and Hoyden.

For once, the response to the news about the “group sex”, (as they call it), garnered a stronger response than the usual limp slap on the wrist. Matthew Johns was stood down from playing and coaching. He has been made to apologise, twice, on television for hurting his family (although not the victim of the group attack) and was sacked from a lucrative talking heads gig. And all hell has broken loose.

Over the last week or two we’ve all had more than enough in both the internet and mainstream press to fill up our bingo cards several times over. What were you doing out dressed like that?…Hearing this must be so hard for his family! …He’s rich. I think we all know what she’s after, hmmm?… What did she expect, going off with the two guys?…

Where Johns is not being portrayed as a victimised hero (Dear god, he’s only human! How many of us haven’t … Um, well, YMMV), the commentary on what he and the rest of the NRL fraternity get up to is infused with strangely essentialist arguments. One can’t help that suspect that the Evpsych rubbish that filters into the mainstream media is picked up and distorted by people who simply want to justify their behaviour. Radical Rayedish picked up on this astoundingly self-serving and stupid comment by a senior NRL official, who, with a million motivational courses and a dash of pseudoscience under the belt, tries to get all psychological on us:

STEVE BURRASTON, CEO NEWCASTLE KNIGHTS: These guys are pumped up, they are playing a very aggressive game and they are putting their bodies on the line, it’s fearless. …When we want them on the field we want them to be aggressive. They’ve got to make tackles, they’ve got to be fearless, then we want them to do things that other people don’t do. So we attract an aggressive, young, risk taking male. We give him a shower, put a suit on him and then say now we want you to be, you know, a submissive male. We want you to go out there and not have any problems, it’s very difficult to do that.

EXCUSE ME.
Burraston throws up his hands (What can you do?) because apparently, we must allow top sportsmen to use young girls as their personal meatsock, otherwise we have no choice but to make them into submissive males, which you just know he would have described as f**king p**fters except that he knew he was being interviewed by the ABC. What a steaming pile of crap that is.

And there we have it. The obverse of the misogynist distortions of the notion of consent where the woman falls on the wrong side of the madonna/whore complex (she was up for sex with Johns and one other, therefore, she shouldn’t have complained when the rest of the team jumped in, is pretty much the default position.) This is the idea of the manly man as a force that cannot control itself, and requires constant input from women on the right side of the madonna-whore complex to keep him in line. The fact that this is hardly complimentary to the men themselves escapes many commenters, as does the fact that this makes them close ideological kin to the wahabist nutters to whom they claim to be so superior (uncovered meat, anyone?)

But I notice these arguments aren’t used so much for men in other settings. We don’t, for instance, see high-risk-taking rock climbers, parachutists, ocean yachtsmen and sea kayakers regularly fronting up to the cameras pretending to apologise for their latest “gang bang” or euphemism du jour. I’m not sure how Mr Burraston would explain this one. Going around in a pack, poor socialisation, and being paid far too much money and being fawned upon constantly would probably explain more than any faux-psychological excuse based on the need for extra aggression to run around after a leather bladder.

16 Apr 2009, Comments (5)

This has left me with a bad taste in my mouth

Author: Helen

Across the US, tens..er…of thousands of republican voters have been participating in “Tea Party” protests, because Boston Tea Party and taxes are bad. Just think of your primary school American history and join the dots. (April 15 is the deadline for tax returns in the US.)

Unfortunately, Fox News and the right-wing astroturf organisations which promoted the Tea Parties have decided to try to be all colloquial an’ appeal to the younger generation an’ stuff, so they have referred to themselves as “Teabaggers” and the protests as “Teabagging”.

Much hilarity has ensued.

P.S. Just for comparison, now that you’ve probably seen these entitled babies on the news making fools of themselves, you might be interested in a real (non-astroturf) protest, at real risk to themselves, by genuinely courageous people who deserve our support.

11 Apr 2009, Comments (12)

If you thought we were over the idea of women as tradeable commodities in the “developed” countries

Author: Helen

You might like to read the first paragraphs and second page of this Bloomberg article.

(Although I have zero sympathy for any of the protagonists in this story, to most of us, “£1.17 million” =/= “broke”.)

9 Apr 2009, Comments (11)

Pratt, you’re a prat.

Author: Helen

Me (Watching football) Oh, he’s a nice looking guy. But unfortunately wearing the North Melbourne jumper. Thugs!*
SO: No, it’s not true any more. They’ve changed!

Ah mmm, no.

And don’t tell me their oh-so-sincere apology had nothing to do with keeping their major sponsor.

25 Feb 2009, Comments (17)

You’re soaking in it.

Author: Helen

Another little delivery of mass-produced misogyny in our inbox. For Valentines’ day, no less. This time it isn’t anyone we know, but check the hilarity:

Valentines day… secretly guys feel left out.
There is no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation to the man in their life.
March 20th is now officially ‘Steak, blow job & shut the fuck up day’. Simple, effective and self explanatory.
No cards. No flowers. No fancy meal.
Just a steak, blow job and shut the fuck up for the rest of the day.
That’s it!!!
Spread the word and help men feel appreciation.

To those who will immediately come in here and opine, “Well, you know, it’s just a joke! and it’s spam!” I reply that it just gets tiring, sometimes.

I just dropped into the supermarket to get bread, which is a daily habit – there’s always something running out. Bread, fruit, milk, the perishables. By “dropped into” I mean “made a detour to get stuff, instead of sitting for half an hour drinking capuccino before my second shift.” And I see this exchange between a young cannibal and a cannibal Dad on a birthday card:
Son: Look, a woolly mammoth!
Dad: No, son, too hairy. Bleugh! We’ll find something else to eat.
Son: Look Dad, a dodo!
Dad: No, too feathery. Bleugh!
Son: Look Dad, a lovely young woman! [YW is, of course, in a paleolithic bikini. What else?]
Dad: No wait a minute Son. Don’t kill her! We’ll take her home – and we’ll eat your mother.

humourless feminist! Can’t you take a joke!

Being so hated makes you want to throw the bread away and opt for the capuccino, or better still, a stiff vodka and tonic. Or just get into the fridge and close the door. At least the men in your own family don’t think this way. At least, as far as you know.

Back to the delightful Valentine’s day “joke”. See, even on the day they should love you the most, they really do hate you. Googling it for research purposes, surprise, surprise, of course it comes up on a news.com.au “blog” thread – Kate De Brito. The agony aunt. (e.g., “We came home to find the babysitter half nude. What do we do?” errr… not hire that particular babysitter again? “Should I tell my partner about a breast enlargement?” Oh Murdoch, you’re all class.)

The comments are about what you’d expect:
“You’re very lucky if the girl makes any effort other than parting her legs at the end of the night.
SO…I hereby propose MARCH 20th to be…
“STEAK, BLOW JOB and SHUT THE F*CK UP DAY”
“It reminds me of a quote a very old man told me many years ago. “ All women are prostitutes, we all pay for sex, at least with real “working girls” one knows the cost and what one will get”
…”In purely monetary terms, hookers are actually cheaper. Depending on your personal cost structures (housing, transport, rates, flowers, movies etc) your average man would need to get sex at least 4 times a week to break even on a “normal” relationship.”
…”pity any guy if it happens to be that time of the month for his girl. It’s like putting some money in the bank with no interest on your deposit.”

Etc.

This comes shortly after another news.com.au story on Amazon.com and its extraordinary social conscience:

ONLINE retail giant Amazon has yanked from its virtual shelves a Japanese computer game that lets players simulate raping girls…

…”after it was brought to the US web firm’s attention”. Of course, it’d be too much to expect that a successful retail giant could possibly afford to vet the quality of its merchandise in the first place. While some of the commenters on that article are groping towards a realisation that all isn’t right with a “game” like this, some of them are more concerned with a perceived insult to their platform.

…news.com.au, change the thumbnail photo on the homepage. This has nothing to do with console gaming, at ALL.

…Why is there an Xbox 360 controller in the picture? This has nothing to with Xbox 360 or any other console for that matter

Touching, no? If only I were an X box. I’m feeling the love there.

Also on news.com.au:

SLEAZY men are taking advantage of Sydney’s rental crisis by placing online advertisements offering women free rooms in exchange for sex.
The zero-rent ads, targeting desperate women looking for somewhere to live, are becoming increasingly common on popular “share house” rental websites.
Although there have been numerous complaints about the ads, which some website users have dubbed “offensive”, they do not breach policy guidelines for sites such as flatmates.com.au

And oh lord, the comments thread on that one.

So what’s the point, you say? This stuff is all over the place every single day. Yes, exactly that.

31 Jan 2009, Comments (9)

I know you are, but what am I?

Author: Helen


See these people here? Bloody Caucasians! Wouldn’t you know?

I can’t pick up the local news without reading about some f**king Caucasians in some break and enter or stoush or something. Now here they are giving the country a bad name just by being crass and stupid. Why can’t these people just assimilate?

Go back to Caucasia where you came from!

(H/T: Hoyden about Town.)

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